Loosen up: I have already loosened up, Thank you very much.

This is the second speech I gave at work.  Watch out, I get a bit preachy. :)

The topic of the speech was "Loosen Up."  Here is where I went with it:

Loosen Up: This sounds like a command.  I have already loosened up, thank you very much.  My four children have taught (forced) me to loosen up. 



Three of the four giving me advice

Turns out, when you try to hold on too tightly with kids, it is a disaster. I’ve learned this the hard way, including this morning’s argument with my six year old about being late to school. She was crying. I was sweating, and we didn't make it to school on time. Loosening up is easy to say, and hard to do.

When I talk about Loosening up, I group my life into three categories:

1. Things I let go of a long time ago.

2. Things I had to let go to survive.

3. Things I will never let go.

Things I let go of a long time ago
1. I let go of bathing the children regularly. Sure, the 8 year old starts to smell, but the little ones don’t get that dirty. Over the weekend when I was writing this speech, I actually stopped, got off the couch, and went and gave the baby a bath. She smells lovely now. Maybe I shouldn’t be so loose about that.

2. Embarrassment. I learned a long time ago that I am not a good singer, or rapper, or dancer. In my short four and a half years at my job, I have had the opportunity to sing, dance and rap in front of all of my coworkers. Those of you who have seen me do these things will know the lack of my ability in all of these areas. You probably think that I should be embarrassed more. However I don’t want to look back and know that I missed the opportunity to rap about my department or dance in a music video because I was embarrassed about how I might look. My mom always told me “no one is looking at you anyway,” and she is right. People are much more self-centered than we give them credit for. They will remember things about themselves and not how embarrassing I am.

Things I have recently had to let go to survive:

1. Sleep-I used to complain about not getting enough sleep. I would wear around my reduced sleep schedule like a martyr. I am so tired! I have all these kids! So I would throw it in people’s faces (mainly my husband). Now, I am over it. Complaining just makes me sound like a looser casting blame on my children. When the baby cries at 2am or Harper requests me to cover her back up at 3am, I just suck it up.  When the alarm goes off, just get up and deal with the day. I will survive.

2. Trying to predict the future.  I used to wake up early, layout clothes and back up clothes, snacks and back up snacks and diapers (and back up diapers). And still, STILL I would be missing something critical, like a baby seat, a band-aid or a leg splint. I had to let go of trying to predict everything because I can't.  I will be ready for anything, I just might not have all the right supplies, and that is okay. I will deal with everything once it happens, but I might just have to improvise a bit on the baby seat, band-aid or leg splint.

3. I had to let go of doing it all myself. This is a lesson that I should have learned a long time ago but instead I had to learn it through mistakes. I have learned it through some very direct feedback at work. I am thankful for that feedback, even though it was difficult to take at the time.
My husband also has given me this feedback. He fusses at me for cleaning the house instead of holding the older kids accountable for doing their share. While I didn’t accept the feedback well at the time, he is right.
By loosening up, I can do more when I let others contribute in a meaningful way.

Things I will never let go

1. I am crazy about eating dinner, as a family, at the table. My husband sighs and trudges along with me, as we sit down to eat. This is no easy feat with work, 4 kids, and life getting in the way.  Why, why am I doing this? Why won’t I loosen up? Because it is THAT important, that’s why. And we are a family. We must be together. Because of this, I find myself saying crazy things like: "Sit down, sit down, holy crap sit down! You may not go to the bathroom, this is family time!"

2. I am crazy about people being courteous to each other at work. It makes my blood boil when I see someone being mean, snarky or hateful so that they appear special or funny or smart. If you are mean, you are not any of those good things; just mean.  I particularly hate eye rolling. My six year old daughter rolls her eyes and she gets a time out every time. Adults should know better or should go to time out.  I love my job because I work in a place that these are not a part of our culture.  Let's work together to keep it that way.

So maybe I do need to loosen up a bit. Because I can hear my voice is raising and my face is getting hot. But when I get off my soap box and go back to my desk, I will loosen up again.  Come by and see me: I will be the one building a leg splint.

Let's Chat in the Car

The most stressful time in my house is getting out the door in the morning.  We are usually in a rush and the kids are usually fussing with one another.  I am holding the baby, a cup of coffee and my work bag as I rush out the door behind the kids.

Why do I insist on taking the children to school instead of getting them on the bus?
1. I get 20 extra minutes to get ready/run around if I take them.  20 minutes is my sanity.
2. I get to have these amazing conversations with them in the car.

A few days ago, we chatted about the fighting in Syria (I didn't turn off NPR fast enough).  It was awesome to hear Will and Abby asking questions about why people would be fighting.  They asked me who was right and who was wrong, and it boggled their minds that it wasn't clear.  Don't worry kids, it boggles my mind too.

A day after that, we talked about how hot are volcanoes and what magma is made of.

A few days before that, it was Civil Rights (NPR started that one again).  Will had studied some in school but really wanted to know why the police were not nice to people during the civil rights movement.  This one is going to take a few more minutes than we have in the car. 

Throw in a few discussions about Native American long houses (2nd grade curriculum), where babies come from (mostly when I was pregnant with C) and it is one of the best times of my day.